I found you once when I did not know you. I find myself looking but you are nowhere around. Where are you my love? Hope only holds the hand of faith and I only love you. I reach for your hand and grasp thin air. I feel you but only in thought and then we pass and hold one wish in hand... LOVE.

Just a short shout out to all my friends. I miss all of you and think of you often. May you all have a merry christmas. See you soon when i get on the computer and not the phone. Lots of love.

I feel you are so close and yet so far away. I see a friend that wants hope and only sees the dark. I find love that only seeks hope and never looks. What the hell is going on here? I have friends that care about life and others that want to give it up. I have some that have no clue and others that can solve the mystery.

Really I am leaving. I trusted you all and find a small family of friends to hold on to when I come back. Some of you are flat out weird and I am tired of it. I do have friends I love and I want to say good bye to most of you.

Heatherscot, there is no big surprise here. I will miss you the most. You have always been a friend and I suppose always will.

Miss Rosie, I love you too love. You have always been there and supported me on my bad days. God Bless You little one.

Shayla. Where do I even begin with a girl that has stolen my heart and gave me life in return? You are my little girl and I love you hun.

Autumn and Trisha. Dang you two are the same. You take my life and make me think. I want to share and yet you have so much to give.

All you other big guys. Scratch, Captain, Pup and Ice... I will miss all of you not to mention my girls. Yummy.

I will get back to you all, soon. I will be watching, so be nice.

Signing off for now...

Cuddle/Strider/Scott

I am not getting over "Alyssa Lies". The song runs through my head while I work and when I want to sleep. I did not realize how important this song was to me. I lived every moment but that does not help one that is calling out. I have to put this out here because I know why Alyssa lies.

I hate being the one how has to take on the anger of a man who needed so much help and never saw it. Daddy wanted an answer and I was his release. I was not a bad kid. I was so hopeful and loving but he never saw that. All he saw was everyone he could not help and I was the one he took his anger out on. I never understood why it was me he had to punish for his failure but I got it, I really got it.

We talked once about how I wanted to be my oldest sister. He looked at me in disbelief. He never realized what he did to me as I talked. I told him that when Donna was growing up he showed love but when it came to me , I was lost.

I was lost because I was never good enough and I wanted his approval and only got shame instead. It was not my shame but his I had to live with. I hate that! Every bad emotion he had he took out on me. I love my dad but I hate what he did to me.

Anyway we talked. He said that after Korea and Vietnam and all that he saw and went through he had no love left in him. After all those years I understood but it did not take away the hurt or the pain. I loved him for finally sharing but it did not change my life. I am still bruised and hurt and I wanted to be a good kid. He made me run and I am tired of running.

I do not know why I have to run any more and I am tired and I want to lay down and rest.

There is a little girl (not yet 4 years old) laying in a hospital bed right now and needs your prayers.

The niece of Heatherscot was rushed to the hospital last night. Heather has requested that all of you pray for her niece. She has pneumonia and her oxygen level in her blood is dangerously low. Please join us in prayer for her niece.

It is amazing the power prayer has in the right hands. She is one of God's children. Prayer, even a small one, is a powerful gift that God has given us. So let us lift up our hearts and bow our heads and pray that God will heal this child. End her suffering and bring her body back into perfect alignment with His word. God created us, He knows what we need and He can heal us. Thank you God for all that you have done, are doing and will do in the future. Amen.

Thank you friends for being friends in this hour of need and Heatherscot thanks you too. I will keep you posted when I find out anything.