I have tried so hard to make it right
when love slips from their weary sight
I have given parts of me that only God can see

I raise the children as a man
always doing the best I can
But there is no avail, I fail

I praise the Lord for all He's done
for brotherhood, life and son.
And if you're a daughter let behind
I made a promise to mankind
that I would shield you from this life
and give this child a new life.

Our fathers went for sins untold
to pay a price that we controlled.
They leave with us a prayer within
that all mankind can live as kin.

God save the children, they are only hope.

Tonight I sat back in my chair and listened to the rain pitter-patter off the window sill. The soft teardrops of angels crying for a man who has everything and feels nothing. I hear a footstep in a puddle and wonder "where is the child?". I hear a dog howl in the distance and think of my loved ones, are safe and warm?

I feel you against my skin and think of a warm spring day when life was better. I have a good life now. Longing brings me closer, love draws me near and a whisper from your lips brings me here. I feel your touch when distance does part and I draw you closer with every beat of my heart. I no longer look for the light in the dark, I have found hope in your heart. The dark clouds have lifted and blue skies prevail, I'm no longer a slave to Hell. I walked through Hell to get to the other side just to rest my head were you reside. Graciously I lay on your breast, close my eye and rest...

I gave birth to new ideas and hold on to the past and yet I want to live in the moment as I fell your presents. I want to draw back and yet I feel my eyes taken with every movement you make. I see you as you and at times that is forbidden. I do like to play but that is where everyone gets me wrong...

I am a kid at heart but I am a man. I play as a kid yet act as a man and a father. I do not cross lines and I do not let anyone cross the lines I have set. I love my kids (even if they are not mine.) and I only want to see them grow in the way they can. Sunshine comes from the east and grows brighter in the west as it sets... yet only a few grow in that direction. I hope we are all on the same page. If we are not on the same page give me a jingle on my e-mail!

I wanted to call this one "Cry" because that is what I want to do at times. Every day gets harder even though I know how life is suppose to work. It is like this keyboard; you press the keys but you can't get the right result. Sometimes you press the buttons and you can't even find yourself. You have something to say but you can't find the words to describe the feelings anymore.You press down and it comes out wrong but I believe that everyone makes mistakes but we have to live with that.
...and yet I want to cry! Not for me but for what I could have been. I lost a lot over the last 41 years and I want to cry, not for myself but for my past. I regret so much and have so much to live for at the same time. I miss what I lost and pray for what I long for. It is simple but I will tell you know that soon enough....

If you know me at all you know how much I love and hate at the same time. Some of you know I work with my son and like his father he is very head-strong. Zac got himself into a bit of trouble the day before (something I could have talked him out of if it weren't my day off) and now the both of us got mad. We share so many of the same traits and this was one of those nights. The both of us went home tonight. He was in trouble and I was enraged so we both came home for the same reason... Our new boss is terrified of us. Needless to say, life will be interesting. So what is important? Family and friends!

Another year is behind me now and it was a year of many changes. Even when some of the changes seemed bad they all worked out for the best. Granted I didn't see myself living alone in a motel at 41 but it's okay because I'm happy. My kids are grown up so I am at a changing point of my life. I think for the first time in 22 years I am going to take some time to relax and enjoy life for me. There are two major events that happened this year that I am greatful for. A year ago Cathy packed up her girls and broke my heart. She was in my life long enough to show me that I am still able to love. Sometimes it hurts but you can live beyond the pain and be a better person for it. The second event is my son. Zac has become a good young man and I am proud to be his father. So that was my year in a nut shell. Not a bad start to my forth decade.