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Well here are four comments and three are Stream comments that brace me for a bad day. The forth is mine and I want to hear it rather than the others. I think some people forget that we are real on the other side of the screen and we have lives too. They type their little asses off and have fun then run away like it was an unsent letter. SORRY, we got the message and wanted to be there but you ran away.

I have been waiting for you to come home and say hello but no you wanted to be free. I can deal with that but how are you going to live without reality? I no longer care because you don't either and now I have to make a choice. I will leave you alone and you can go away. I am here to stay. Life may be Peachy but I am soured by the thought of being left out in the cold.

I know I missed my five for Friday and I am sorry. If there is one thing I am used to it is answering questions on Friday morning right after work. Two reasons why I did not post yesterday: My back has been giving me problems for over a week now. The pain is actually getting easier to bare because it has been going on long enough this time, again. I am good to work pain-free for the first thirty minutes if I am lucky but I stay all night and do my job. However it did make thinking about Friday morning a little difficult to concentrate on. I really wanted to post yesterday when I got home so I started thinking about little things that friends and myself have talked about over the years. Different people yet the same subject. I know I missed Friday but I really want to try and convey these thoughts to you.

Originally I was going to title this post "When is enough enough?" but the new title made more sense to me the more I thought about it. Each time I remembered a comment a memory flashed and I pondered the results. There came a point when I no longer wanted to think about it. I thought about my mom, my friends, me and it never really made any sense; I'm not sure it does even now.

I was thinking about a rather nice older lady at work. I have known her for years and over that time we shared family talk and naughty talk in the morning as I was checking out at her register. She is a wonderful person that could shine my face like a ripe tomato. However two years ago her husband died and she was alone after over fifty years of marriage. I was sad for her loss but I was even sadder last month when I went to her checkout stand. First I did not realize that it had been two years and second for what she said to me.

As I moved closer we talked in a calm and relaxing way like we usually started our conversations. Out of nowhere she blurts out "Did you know I have a boyfriend?", (I did but played along). She paused what she was saying and leaned in toward me and asked " Why did God wait 71 years to give me a man that can make me happy?". Before I had a chance to say anything she said "Bob was a good man and a good father. He always provided for me and the 13 kids but he never really made me happy". I hear her saying that over and over even to this day and I don't know why.

I think about when I first got married, actually a few years later. I already had two boys by then and I knew this marriage was not right. I could not leave her when things were bad, that just wouldn't be right. I couldn't leave her when things were good, she wouldn't understand. So I started asking my mom the same questions all the time. When do you know enough is enough? How do you know it is time to go? For the longest time my mom would never say. She never encouraged me to stick it out or to stay in there; she just never said. One day she finally said "Scott, when it is time you will know". Mom was right and I should have known there was a twist. Most of the time there is a long time between when you know and when you leave. Everyone has their reason(s) for staying but never really a good one.

I could stay here all day but I shall regress only one more time. My parents were married for almost 25 years. They separated twice but managed to get back together "for the kids". I was young when the final fight happened; the only fight in my young life I ever knew of. I am forty and my older sisters are still telling me things about my dad's lifestyle that at that age I never thought anything about. I could feel the tension in the house. Damn could I feel it being the only other male and dad couldn't hit a female. But like I said, never gave it much thought, either way I was used to it.

I have taken the time to talk to both of them over the years about some pretty touchy subjects but I needed to understand why I was the way I turned out. Both my mom and dad were very forward and blunt when I would asked the right questions but they never told all of what happened. I guess I just do not get it. To find out why I am the way I am I have to pull teeth; while my son thinks I am crazy for just blurting out stuff he doesn't ask about.

So the lust has turned into a duty, the fire has been stomped out and yet some still try. If you are miserable in your relationship imagine how your spouse feels. If you can feel tension in your cold life-hardened heart what about the kids? You are not helping anyone by hanging in there. If you know in your heart it is only a rough time that is one thing but do not catch your tail in your own trap. So when it comes to saving a relationship for the kids or for the other person I have this to say...
Don't do us any favors, please!

I don't know why but people ask me the strangest questions. I have never had a problem asking normal questions or answering them for that matter. You have seen over the past few weeks that I get the really unique questions and I love them. So as not to disappoint here are five more facts for you to think about.

What are your least favorite colors? (black and white don't count)
5) neon green
4) neon pink
3) baby poop yellow
2) salmon pink
1) brown

What were your favorite candies as a child?
4) Rock sugar- you know the sugar crystals on a string...yummy
3) Whoppers- something about those little chocolate covered balls... hmmm
2) Charms Lollipops- I loved those big suckers and my favorite was the apple flavored ones
1) Cotton Candy- I loved the way you could eat a sugar cloud. Mostly it was because of the atmosphere surrounded by it.

You have to change your first name. What first name do you pick?
3) Nemo- Because I love going down in search of hidden treasures
2) Drake- As in Sir Francis. A wonderful navigator and buccaneer
1) Phoenix - I love the concept of crash and burn and return. There are some of us that do that a lot in a life time.

What are your favorite aromas?
2) Fresh cut grass
1) The mountains in spring
(More to home. Home made cookies and pot roast)

If you could only eat one food for two weeks (morning, noon and night) what would it be? Yes and you get water.
AND THE #1 ANSWER IS.....

.........MY home made chili............YUMMY
By the way I have the honor of making 36 quarts of my chili next week for our harvest feast at work. It is a special that everyone loves and waits for. My chili an Shari's cream corn jalapeno cornbread. YUMMY! WHOOHOO, I love love love it.

Today is kind of a blah day and the sun has not even got up yet. I'm not sure if the sun will get up because it is 32 degrees outside and raining. If I wasn't at work last night I don't think I would be out of bed myself. Work was back busting good last night but I am happy to be home with my shoes off and my keyboard in my lap. Something about pounding the concrete for eight hours puts a hurt on the old back, not to mention pulling one ton pallets around for hours on end. You would think that after twenty-two years of retail I would get use to it and in a way I did. Last night the new co-manager had all the old freight purged from the back room once again. We all decided that we were tired of dealing with it so when 6:30 rolled around we clocked out and left. We figured if he likes it so much he can pull that heavy crap back by himself. Yes I know where the idea came from and where the attitude started because it was me again. Every member of management over the last ten years has tried to take charge of my crew and they learn real quick who is really in charge. Okay enough about work.

My life is still on hold as far as the move goes. I am still packing and tossing things away that I have not seen in the past two years that I have lived in this house. The problem is this town is so small that it is next to impossible to find a place to rent. Now I don't need much because it's just me and my two girls. Oh yeah that is the problem, my girls are dogs and people around here do not like renting to pet owners. OMG! What kind of person does not like dogs? Jerks! So house hunting is an issue because I do not want to have to get rid of my girls. Stormy is almost nine and Angel is seven, they are family. Besides Angel has problems and if I can't keep her I will have to put her down.

My time here on the stream has been limited lately because of the move and the new relationship. I only visit very few people and rarely have time for comments but I miss each and every one of you. I generally get to read certain blogs at work during my lunch hour. I can not comment because it is my cell phone but you all write about the most interesting things and I love it. Another problem I have been having is with my computer. Seems my setting are all messed up and I no longer get "blog updates" anymore. I have tried to fix it but so far nothing. I never realized how much I relied on those little updates to keep me informed.

I really miss you all and hopefully after the move I can get back with everyone again. Only six more weeks. So hopefully now you understand why I have been so quiet. I will let you in on some other events that are happening in my life soon but for now know you all are always on my mind and in my prayers.

Keep the Faith___Cuddle

You know sometimes life runs you over like a steam roller and all you can do is hurt and blow on your thumb and pop back into shape. In the real world life hits a little below the belt and I can only pray that the people that cause me and mine trouble get it back ten fold. With that said I answer five from a friend. My own little twist to Friday because my own mind is reeling these days. I hope you find them to your liking, if not....Push off this is my blog!

If I could go back in time what would I change?
1) I would make sure my grandfather never left my grandma and dad would have grown up in a happy home
2) I would talk to God and make sure my sister never had her heart condition
3) I would have become friends first with Jenny for a year before I got to know her better
4) I would have never, ever let my boys see how life can affect you when every person is different
5) There was never a Korea or Vietnam conflict (CONFLICT! YEAH RIGHT)

My favorite traits about myself?
1) I love the way I care about everyone, even a stranger
2) I love seeing nature as life not sport
3) I love to feel the pain of a long day because I lived beyond it
4) I love the way I can nurture a person before they know what they really need

What would you do with a million dollars?
1) I would leave myself for a better tomorrow and move to Alaska
2) I would visit Europe
3) I would most take care of my family first

What is a historical landmark I want to visit?
1) The Statue of Liberty, because she is the freedom that holds this country together. How ironic that it was given by the french and yet today we hate them because they do not fight for our beliefs!?*&&^%
2) I love to visit the Mason Dixon line and realize how many people died for their own beliefs in this country

Where would I like to be in five years?
#1 answer of the day...............
I want to be with the one I love today!

Sorry no answers to that question but to let you know she is mine and we are happy. No more playing on the Stream. Fun yes, play no.

So finally you have a little more than last week. You all are great and I love everyone here. I miss so many of you but time are busy here and rather hard. I am sorry I can not be around like I was but I am fleeting and time is eternal. See you soon, I hope.