For those of you that have followed me at msn.spaces( I'm cuddle40 in four places)it is finally over between Kitten and me. This weekend was our last planned weekend and again she did not disappoint. Another holiday we didn't spend together. I talked with her family. They said she did ask how I was but didn't care to find out that I was happy without her. She did ask in front of her father and the rest of the family how they got me to stop calling. They said they didn't have anything to with it. The fact is I just got tired of a one sided relationship.

I love her and I miss her but I will never let her back into my life. I have said many mean, hateful and foul worlds about a woman but never the "C" word but that she is, and I only call them as I see them. I know that is the harshest word a man could say about a woman so I will ask you, What would you call this type of woman?

She wanted me from day one at work even though she knew she was going to leave. She found a job in a different state and moved there. She left her three teen-age daughters with me for three and one half months. I feed them, housed them, even bought clothes for them. Every special event they wanted I paid for. I gave her money for oil changes and gas. Basically I was raising a whole new family of four with no outside support. I did it all in the name of love, never asking anything. I knew when it was over but didn't understand why. I just keep hoping that God finally gave me someone after all these years. I guess not, maybe just another cruel joke on my part.

All I ever wanted to do in life was to love someone and actually have that love returned. Is that so much to ask from life or God? I'm not asking for life to be fair but come on, tip the scale my way once in awhile.

There are two songs that I think are a part of Kitten and me. The song from Jon Secada "Last To Know" pretty much says it from my side, even from the beginning. Trace Adkins has a song called "I LEARNED HOW TO LOVE FROM YOU". I would love for some day Kitten to dedicate this song to me. I know it will never happen...but it should. Please allow me to convey the words on my heart that tear me apart because we never said good bye or the last I love you. I may never know what happened but I guess that doesn't matter now. Here are the words I long to hear:

I can not be bitter,
Even when the tears fall,
Though I had to let you go,
My heart knows,
I learned how to love from you.

You found something hiding,
I did not know was missing,
An unlit fire down in my soul,
Now my heart knows,
I learned how to love from you.

You loved like there never was a risk,
Shared your heart with every tender kiss,
Now I know how much I have to give,
'Cause I learned how to love from you.

If I start to fall again,
I'll close my eyes and not resist,
Without fear I'll just let go,
"Cause my heart knows,
That I learned how to trust,
In the power of a touch,
I learned how to love from you.

Please find the songs and really listen, they mean a lot. I don't know all that fancy up/download stuff yet but I know I feel and you will to if you listen.

I was just at home (at msn.spaces) talking about lipstick. It got me thinking about people. I also just finished watching A Walk On The Moon and my mind started to wanter.

Sometimes we stray and I don't mean all the way. It could be as simple as a glance or a hand shake. Maybe you you were passing by someone and brushed up against then ever so slightly. Innocent at first but then the mind begins to wander. Do you entertain the thought? Do you follow through?

Simple sin has no end,
Says the wife to your friend.

Hey Guys,
You are all to much to believe. I have to do it this way today because I'm suppose to be sleeping right now. It's after 2:30 pm my time and I have to be at work at 10.

Like I said you all are the greatest. You move so fast and I need a little time to get up to speed. It didn't help today that when I was sending a PM to T that my friend called. That was three hours of my day. Nothing better than friends, right?

Yes I am a night worker and love the hootie. Up all night. One of the few creatures that can appreciate the stars and the moon. Let me tell you there is nothing better than to gaze upon the stars and listen to the coyote sing a song to his family.

Much love to all of you. I will do my best to get to everyone.
---Keep the Faith---

It seems like days turn in to weeks before I get back around to do things. I have been working the night shift for over ten years and days fly by. For many of those years I would work nights and take care of my boys during the day. I would come home, get them ready for school and then start cleaning. I would get a little sleep while they were at school and then it was time to make dinner and get them off to bed so I could go to work again. God, I miss those days. It was busy but a full life is better than no life.

My boys are all grown up now and I don't feel the same about doing things anymore. It has always been more fun for me to do anything for someone else. Do you know what I mean? Any person can raise a chicken but only the chicken can lay an egg. I have always enjoyed being helpful; being able to give to someone that could not do it for themselves. I usually end up cooking and baking for my friends. Some friends don't understand the logic at first but they all have enjoyed the food.

Anyway, daylight is burning and I have much to do. Until I write again keep safe.
---Keep the Faith---

It seems like every time I turn around there is another great place to be. People to meet, things to do, and pictures to view. Never enough time to visit everyone. Gotta go. Talk later.
--- Keep the Faith---